


No Secrets

by countrygirlsfun



Series: Stiles is a Badass [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Derek Uses His Words, Drunk Stiles, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attack, Sick Stiles, Stiles freaks out, general anxiety, mama stillinski feels, stiles has anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-05
Updated: 2014-03-05
Packaged: 2018-01-14 15:08:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1270987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/countrygirlsfun/pseuds/countrygirlsfun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Follow up to Secrets.<br/>Stiles second secret is less badass, but no less important.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> I changed the end a bit so it matches the next part better.

Stiles had managed to learn to control his panic attacks after his mom died. He didn’t give them much thought the more he worked with his dad learning about guns and control. But a couple months later he passed out in gym class. It was the first time he’d passed out in that class so his teacher didn't worry too much.

All of Stiles' teachers had been told that he was having trouble with anxiety and panic attacks. They were happening more and more infrequently, so it didn't trouble the teacher too much. The second time it happened he asked the rest of the teachers if Stiles anxiety had been acting up in their classes as well. All the other teachers were confused; it had been months since Stiles had had a panic attack in their classrooms.

So a month later when the wiry boy collapsed only 10 minutes into the class period, he'd had enough. Between the concerned gym teacher and the school nurse they decided there was something more going on here. After not getting a hold of the sheriff they called Mrs. McCall. She'd been added as an emergency contact shortly after Claudia's death. Melissa came to the school and took a reluctant Stiles back to the hospital with her.

"Stiles, you ok honey?"  
"Yeah, I'm ok."  
"Was it a panic attack?"  
"No. This feels…different."  
"How Stiles?"  
"I can feel the panic growing here."

He put his fist in the center of his chest.

"What does this feel like?"  
"I don't know. I just… I'm just tired I think."

Melissa dropped the subject until they got into the hospital; she didn't want to push the subject too much. She didn't like the look of the dark circles under his eyes. And his eyes! They were normally sparkling with energy but now they were dull. Something was off with the boy sitting next to her and she had a suspicion of what could have made him look so lifeless and so dull. She got him back to the clinic and sat him down in the exam room.

"You said it felt different Stiles. That it's not panic. What do you think it is?"  
"I don't know how to explain it." He thought for a minute. "It doesn't really hurt I just never feel good. My stomach always feels gross."  
"Did you have something funny for lunch? What'd you have for lunch today Stiles?" 

He answers in a small voice.

"Nothing, I thought eating would make my stomach hurt worse. I was going to have supper though."

His voice trailed of at then end.

"That's ok Stiles," the nurse coaxed. "What did you have for breakfast?"

Stiles just looked at his shoes.

"I, uh, woke up late."  
"When was the last time you ate something, honey?"  
"Uh, I had a sandwich? For lunch…yesterday…"

Stiles was counting the tiles on the floor. Melissa grabbed his chin so he'd look at here when she said, "Thank you for telling the truth Stiles. You're not in trouble."

His face relaxed a little.

"Can you do me a favor though? I need you to try and eat this jello. I know how much you hate the cherry kind."

Stiles smiled as he grabbed the snack.

"I think I can handle it."  
"You just lay there and eat the jello. I'll be back in a little bit to check on you."

She handed him the remote to the TV before leaving the room. Melissa went straight to the pediatric wing of the hospital and found a psychiatrist that Stiles hadn't met before. She told him Stiles' history and what she thought was going on and asked him to come talk to the young teenager to see if she was right. The kind man obliged. He removed his lab coat to hopefully appear less intimidating and followed the nurse back to the room she'd left Stiles in. When they reached the door Melissa went in first.

"Stiles? Stiles, this is my friend. He's a doctor and I just want you to tell him about your stomach aches."

Melissa left the room to get back to work and left Stiles in the doctors capable hands.

"So you get stomach aches? What do they feel like? Any sharp pains?"  
"No, they don't really hurt like that. It's more of a...blegh feeling. Like its always moving around and I'm afraid that if I eat something it will make me sick. I- I just really hate throwing up so sometimes I just drink some water instead of trying to eat."  
"Thats ok sometimes. Melissa mentioned you used to have trouble with panic attacks, can I ask you about that?"  
"Sure but I've gotten better at dealing with them. I don't really have them as bad or as many anymore."  
"But you're still nervous? Do you worry about anything Stiles?"

The teenager thought about that for a minute. 

"I guess so. I think about school, getting good grades for my dad. I think about my dad a lot; he's a cop and that's not really the safest job. I do a lot of thinking I guess but how does thinking make me sick?"

The doctor just smiled.

"Do you get good grades?"  
"Yeah, I get almost straight A's. I got a B once."  
"Well, it sounds like you're a very smart young man and have done a very good job of overcoming panic attacks. You do a lot of thinking; do you ever find yourself lost in these kinds of thoughts instead of paying attention in class?"  
"Sometimes, yeah."  
"Ok how about the next time you feel it happening how about you just jot down on your notebook what you're thinking about and then you can come back to it later. That way you can focus on school and get the thought to stop running through your head."  
"I can try that."  
"Ok, and then I'm going to give you some of these pink pills. If you feel sick or like eating will make it worse try eating a little something and take one of these. Its just bismuth; so its a base that reacts with the acid in your stomach to calm it down. That’s all it does."

The doctor had a hunch just explaining what he was giving this particular teenage boy was better than just telling him to take it. It went a long way with Stiles too.

"As for now, I think you need another jello."  
"Sure, I am kind of hungry now."  
"Stomachs not upset from the food?"  
"No, just really empty."  
"I'll tell Melissa she can get you something. Thanks for talking to me Stiles."

The doctor left to go find Nurse McCall. It didn’t take long for Melissa’s concerns to be confirmed.

“He’s fine though Melissa, we should talk to the Sheriff and the school. I’ll set up another meeting with him to deal with the general anxiety and between you, John and the school you should be able to handle his diet and get him back in the habit of eating regularly. It’s not severe enough that he needs medication or anything, really I think he does a good job managing himself.”  
“How long do you think he’s been avoiding food?”  
“I’m thinking it goes in stretches. He will sit and dwell on things and worry himself “sick” and eat less. But after things calm down or he gets his head in a better place he probably goes back to normal. That’s what makes it hard to notice.”

It took a brief conversation between John and Melissa to explain what was most likely happening with Stiles. The sheriff was trying his best but sometimes he let himself get wrapped up in work and Stiles ended up taking the backburner. Melissa assured him that this general anxiety was going to be ok and that Stiles might even grow out of it.

*

After finding out Stiles' secret talents and his subsequent panic had abated, things calmed back down in Beacon Hills pack. Stiles was happy to finally provide backup with the pack’s knowledge. He knew he could take care of himself if he ever got in trouble but in the back of his mind was always the worry that he'd want his pack to find him and not the other one.

Derek thought he'd been getting better at taking care of his pack. Even Stiles. Especially Stiles. When Scott had called him frantic at not finding Stiles anywhere hours after a lacrosse game, Derek’s first thought was to check the lake because Scott had already checked the house and even the Sheriffs station. So he had run all the way to the lake thinking Stiles could be hurt after being there this long without answering his phone. Only he found him happily running a new loop he'd set up.

Stiles had been puzzled and just said, "Check your phone Derek, I sent you a text so you wouldn't worry."

Derek looked at his phone to see an unread message from Stiles.

**Going to the lake. Gotta clear my head.**

But the look of appreciation on Stiles face was enough to make the run there worth it. He'd tried to keep proving that Stiles was pack ever since they'd all found out about Stiles hidden talent and it was starting to work. Derek couldn't quite understand but he had this gut feeling about Stiles; about what exactly he couldn’t quite place. So naturally he decided to ignore it.

As time passed the pack dealt with one supernatural creature after another. Isaac got roughed up pretty bad during one fight. Scott had some pretty deep gashes that took an extended amount of time to heal from the next. Despite their healing abilities the whole pack was getting worn down in general. They brought Stiles in to help deal with the newest issue. They needed his ability to stay above the fight and see the bigger picture. He managed to get the shot they needed to take the animal down. But instead of him running to help clean up the pack they ended up finding him at the base of the tree with the wind knocked out of him and they all rushed to him and ended up all huddled around him.

"Stiles did you fall?!"

Scott was dumbfounded. Stiles just looked at him like are-you-really-asking-me-that-right-now? Derek ordered Erica to retrieve the rifle from the tree before he was at Stiles side. 

"Everybody needs to back the fuck off."

It took a minute but he got his breath back once everybody backed off and he could concentrate.

"I'm fine,” Stiles coughed. “I’m fine, Derek."

Only after making sure he really was fine did Derek let him up. And then after everyone was home Derek crept through his window to check on him again.

"You want to explain how you of all people fell out of a tree?"  
"I don't know what to tell you Derek, I lost my footing. Even I make mistakes sometimes."

Stiles replied with a steady heart beat and a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. _Wow, since when do I notice that kind of thing about Stiles?_ Derek let it go again though.

Stiles was lying but only because he thought the real reason was unimportant. Truth was he had had to take the shot despite the high probability that he would hit Derek in the process. When he managed to completely miss Derek and take down the creature there was a rush of adrenaline and it was more than his body could deal with. It flooded his system and he shook so badly that he did lose his position and tumbled out of the tree landing on his back. Really he just got the wind knocked out of him, a decent bruise on his back, and a newfound confusion.

_That’s never happened before._

It was a Wednesday a couple days later and Stiles was cooking dinner for everyone in the loft. This wasn't new, but Stiles had been cooking more now and he was cooking bigger and better meals for the pack too. They'd all noticed. Derek had come to the kitchen and was leaning against the counter next to where Stiles was silently cutting tomatoes when Erica tried to bring him back to the conversation.

"Where did you learn to cook so well Stiles? I've never even seen your dad in the kitchen so you didn't learn from him."

Stiles heartbeat didn't alter when he answered.

"YouTube videos. And some trial and error."

But Derek had seen his hands tremble momentarily. When Erica went to ask him further the alpha silenced her with a single look. Isaac tried too.

“Where were you during school today? None of us saw you.”  
“I couldn’t shake a headache.”

Even heartbeat, slight tremble in his hands. The conversation drifted away from Stiles and he finished cooking the meal.

Stiles had tried all sorts of different ways to deal with this day: being alone, pretending he was ok in front of people, sitting in the cemetery, and the last couple years that bottle of Jack Daniels had grown ever tempting. This year he couldn’t decide what he wanted. None of his tactics ever made it any easier or made him feel any better. He’d stayed home alone, but that hadn’t been good. Then there was a pack meeting planned for today. He knew he didn’t have to go but he thought it was worth a try to just be around people. It hadn’t helped so far.

_Maybe I’ll go sit with her after._

After they'd all eaten and the meeting was over the werewolves all went home. Derek walked back into the kitchen and found Stiles doing the dishes. He returned to his spot leaning against the counter next to Stiles.

"Thanks."  
"For what?"  
"Not letting her keep asking. I know she didn't believe me. I saw your little alpha stare."  
"Stiles?"

Derek hesitated.

_No secrets._

"Stiles, did your mom teach you to cook?"

Stiles tried to keep washing the pan he was scrubbing. He couldn't keep his heart rate from reacting this time though. He grabbed the edge of the sink to make his hands stop shaking and sighed.

"Yeah, yeah she did."  
"The anniversary is coming up, isn't it?"

Stiles just nodded.

"Do you want to go to the lake? Might help."  
"No I think I'll just go home after I finish cleaning up."

That response should have been warning enough for Derek. 

"Just leave it. I'll have Isaac do it when he gets back."  
"You sure?"  
"Yeah. But if you change your mind, let me know that you're going to be out there."

Derek hesitated as he watched Stiles grab his hoodie and his backpack and make for the door.

“And Stiles? I know Scott's your best friend and everything, but if you ever want to...just don't hesitate....I know a little something about anniversaries. I'll be here to help if you need it."

Sometimes Derek uses his words instead of his eyebrows. Stiles had stopped in the doorway. He looked back at Derek a little confused but mostly he was grateful; Derek was the one person who knew how this felt. He left with a quiet “thanks.”

Stiles does go home but he doesn't stay there long. He grabs the full bottle of Jack before jumping right back into the Jeep. He couldn't bring himself to say that the anniversary was today out loud and tell Derek the truth.

_No Secrets._

It ran through his head making him feel guilty for the lie. He really did feel like a part of the pack but that didn't mean he wanted to break down crying in front of Derek. Especially Derek.

The Jeep practically drove itself out to the florist and then the cemetery. When he got there he grabbed the Jack and the flowers he'd picked up. He took the long way around the park before settling himself in front of his mom's headstone.

"Hi mom…I miss you. I miss your smile. I miss you telling me I'd be ok when I thought my world was falling apart."

He talked about everything. How he still wasn't having any panic attacks. But he still felt like something was all bottled up. He told her he didn't know how much more of this stuff he'd be able to take. He laughed at himself at that though. He could take anything, especially if he had the pack behind him. He talked about the pack. How Derek had managed to pull everyone together. How Derek…well he didn’t know. How crazy his life was now.

The more he talked to his mom the more he regretted bringing the alcohol. He wasn't going to get drunk here. He had to go somewhere else; somewhere, anywhere but here. He left the flowers and headed back home. It had just started to rain softly but Stiles didn't notice at all. He left the Jeep in the driveway and had the bottle open before he reached the woods.

When he failed to answer anybody's messages hours later Derek sent Isaac and Scott to find Stiles. Derek himself ran to the lake.

_Seriously why is it always Stiles that manages to fall off the grid. And why do I freak out every time?_

Isaac found him passed out leaning against a tree in the rain hours later that night. After he made sure Stiles was just passed out and not injured he called Derek.

"Derek? I found him. He made it like half a mile from his house into the woods."  
"Take him to his house and stay with him. I'll be there soon. Call Scott let him know you found him."

Isaac picked up the cold, drenched body of his friend and the bottle next to him. He got him back to the empty Stilinski house, letting himself in through the unlocked back door. He carried him up the stairs to put him in his bed.

When Derek got there Isaac joked, "I'm going to have to give him crap for being such a lightweight."  
"Stiles isn't a lightweight."  
"What?"  
"Stiles _isn't_ a lightweight."  
"Well he was tonight. There's not even 6 shots missing from this bottle. And there were no empties lying around either."

This troubled Derek. He'd seen that kid go through more booze than that in an hour. It shouldn’t have been enough for him to pass out. 

"You can go, I'm gonna wait until he wakes up, something smells off with him, more than just the alcohol."

Isaac didn't mind staying; but spending the evening and into the night with a passed out Stiles and a stressed out Derek didn't sound all that appealing. So Isaac left, going through the back door again and lock it as he left. Derek's mind wandered as he watched Stiles sleep. He sat there for ten minutes before it dawned on him that the kid was soaking wet. He sighed as he faced the task of undressing an unconscious Stiles. He couldn't let the kid get sick on top of being passed out drunk. Praying Stiles wouldn't wake up during this process Derek began removing his wet clothes.

_Layers on layers how does the kid manage to wear this many clothes._

He managed to get Stiles shirt and jeans off before he really saw it. There was almost nothing left of the all too human boy on the bed.

Stiles ribs jutted out in sharp contrast to his sunken abdomen. Finally Derek saw what had happened to him. The extra layers just distracted from the fact that the clothes were practically hanging off his shoulders. Dark circles under his eyes, sunken cheeks, sluggish movements, and a huge bruise on his back that had to be from the fall.

He should have seen what was happening.

As Derek stood in his thoughts, Stiles began to shiver uncontrollably. Derek went to cover him up until he could find some clothes but just brushing his hand against Stiles’ chest he could feel the warmth.

_He's too warm._

He finished covering him up with his quilt before rushing to the bathroom to find a thermometer. He couldn't tell the difference between his own body temperature and Stiles' and he needed to be sure. All he could find was a children's thermometer; the kind you put in their ear.

_Thank God._

Derek returned and put the device in Stiles ear, still praying he stayed asleep for this. Nervously Derek read the small display screen.

101.3 degrees.

Shit.

Panic was quickly rising as Derek scanned the room for clean sweatpants and a hoodie. As he awkwardly began putting clothes back on Stiles, he started to wake up.

"Hmm, iss cold…"

Derek didn't say anything; he just finished getting him dressed and wrapped the comforter around him as he carried him down to the Jeep.

"iss hot now."

Derek sighed again as Stiles face pinched up in annoyance.

_Seriously even sick his face is cute that's really not fair. Oh my god. This needs to stop._

After getting the bundled up Stiles into the Jeep Derek took off for the hospital. He pulled up to the front door less than five minutes later and ran around to get Stiles inside. As he walked in with Stiles still wrapped up in the blanket all he knew to do was ask for Scott's mom. A minute after she was paged Melissa was there and directing Derek to take Stiles to a room. After he put Stiles on the bed and explained that he'd been drinking and fell asleep in the rain Derek was in the way. He took the blanket back to the Jeep and parked it. He came back to find Stiles hooked up with 4 different IV bags and a doctor and Melissa standing over him. He waited outside the room in the waiting area.

_Its not like I'm family, they can’t let me in anyway._

He sat with his head in his hands. The less people saw the worry etched on his face, the better. Soon the worry and concern turned to annoyance and anger at the stupidity of it all. Derek watched the feet of the doctor and nurses as they left Stiles room.

"I warned you about this Derek. I specifically told you that this could happen."

Melissa chastised him after she had seen how much the human pack member had deteriorated. He just hung his head. He had no defense. Derek didn't remember the last time he'd seen Stiles eat anything. His attention was mostly focused on the food Stiles had made for the pack when supper came around. He didn't really notice that all of Stiles’ effort was spent on cooking and cleaning up after, not actually sitting down to eat in between. The pack ate so much he just assumed that Stiles was eating with them.

"I'll do better, I promise."  
"You better."  
"How bad is it?"

From his voice and the guilt on his face as he looked up at her she knew he felt bad enough already. She softened before she continued.

"Bad enough. He's underweight, dehydrated, and probably sleep deprived. Getting drunk and sitting in the rain did nothing to help and in his state it could progress to full on pneumonia."  
"So what do we do now?"  
"Well I'm going to go call his dad and Stiles is going to have to stay at least tonight so we can get him hydrated and put some nutrients back in his body. That combined with his being warm and dry now should help combat the fever. His body temperature is still hovering around 100 degrees. You did the right thing bringing him in right away."

Derek didn't want to press his luck in this conversation but he wanted to confirm his suspicions as the nurse began to walk away.

"One more question, if it’s not too much, uh, is it the anniversary of them losing Claudia?"

Melissa's eyes widened in horror. She sat down at the nearest computer to look up the record. She looked up at Derek confirming what he had been thinking since earlier in the loft.

"Its today."  
"Can I sit with him?"  
"He probably won't wake up anytime soon, but there's a chair in there for you."

He smiled appreciatively as he walked into the room. Stiles looked wrecked. Derek just grabbed the chair and pulled it right up next to the bed. He was just thinking while watching Stiles sleep when Melissa came in to check on them a few minutes later. 

"How's he doing?"  
"The same, I guess. He doesn't seem to be in any pain, does he?"

Melissa smiled at his concern. "No, I don't think he has any pain."  
Derek sighed. "How did I miss this for so long?"  
"You have a lot of people to take care of Derek."  
"But I should have noticed."  
"Have you thought back? Did you notice and just didn't think about it? Next time you'll know what to look for. None of us have watched him do this, really. Scott didn't know to pay attention the first time this happened and John, well, he tries. Now we know how to catch it early and help him through it. We might not be able to stop the worry but we can make sure he doesn't waste away."

Derek though about it after Melissa left again; looking back at all the moments that had confused him at the time. They flashed through his mind like a bad movie montage. Finding him sitting doing research with a bottle of tums, 7-UP and plain crackers. Scott finding him passed out in his Jeep after lacrosse practice. Stiles running up to the fight wheezing and wobbly. Cooking elaborate meals but never sitting down to the table.

As he let his thoughts consume him his worry began growing into anger again. His habit of getting irrationally angry in a situation came on in full force.

_Why did he have to be so stupid? Seriously how hard is it to just eat something? Why didn't I see it sooner?_

He went back and forth between blaming Stiles and himself. If he could hear his own thoughts he would have realized just how much of a jerk he was being. He sat brooding in his chair but it became evident that Stiles wasn't going to wake up. Soon he was asleep with his head resting on his arms in the middle of the bed at Stiles’ waist.

The sheriff stopped by a couple hours later to check on his son before going home. Melissa had called and explained everything. It didn't take much to explain why he was out there in the first place.

_I should have taken the day off. He shouldn't have been alone, but its what he asks for I should have paid attention._

Grief for his wife and guilt for his son warred in the poor man's heart. As he walked in the doorway he saw Derek sleeping at the end of the bed. He stepped back to the nurse's station.

"Uh Melissa? Why is the Hale boy in my son's room?"  
"Same reason you are. Guilt and worry."

Melissa McCall was nothing if not to the point.

The sheriff sighed, "He's going to be ok though?"  
"He'll be fine. We still need to get his fever down but we'll get him some food when he wakes up. You go home and rest. I'll be here and it doesn't look like Derek's leaving anytime soon either; one of us will be here."

The sheriff left his son in her capable hands. Still not overly fond of the fact that Derek Hale was in there with him.

*

Stiles had walked into the forest. Drinking as he went. He found himself a nice spot to sit and he just sat with his back against a tree and took another swig from the bottle. God, he missed his mom. He missed her hugs; being held.

_Why does this day have to be so hard?_

He sat in the rain; marinating in his own misery. He didn't think about how much he was drinking. He didn't care about the fact that he was already feeling buzzed even though in reality he hadn't had that much yet. All too soon he felt himself get sleepy.

_Maybe I'll just take a nap. Right here._

He quickly slipped into unconsciousness.

He woke up feeling cold and then hot and --then it just didn't make sense..

"Hmm iss cold…"

He tried to hug his arms around himself but someone was putting clothes on him.

_What sweatshirt is this? Am I putting it on?_

He felt something wrap around him and suddenly he felt like he was floating.

_Floating in a toasty cocoon of fluffiness._

"iss hot now.."

He slurred before falling back to sleep.

The next time he woke up he had far too much clarity than should be allowed. He still felt like he was freezing cold and too hot at the same time; it was uncomfortable. He knew from the smell and the feel of the bed he was in the hospital. _Damn it._ He threw his head back into his pillow.

_You have got to be kidding me._

He slowly opened his eyes. He saw Derek sleeping at the foot of his bed. It took all his concentration to not run his fingers through that soft black hair. But then he heard his dad's voice in the hall.

"Uh Melissa? Why is the Hale boy in my son's room?"  
"Same reason you are. Guilt and worry."

 _Oh._ Stiles felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. _Could you have been more selfish? Lets talk about how much today already sucked for him and then you go and pull a stunt like this. What a kid. Making your dad feel guilty on the day he's supposed to remember his wife. And Derek. Smooth move there too. Let's add to the alpha's worries and guilt. He already has enough to deal with lets go and throw some more on his plate. God, I can't do anything right_.

"…You go home and rest. I'll be here all night anyway."  
"Ok, thanks. Goodnight Melissa."

Stiles closed his eyes and slowed his breathing when the nurse came in to check on him. After she left he managed to pull himself up off the bed and drag his IV in with him to the bathroom. He closed the door and couldn't hold it in anymore. All the grief came back tenfold and the guilt of causing more stress on his Dad and Derek just added to it all. He laid on the floor and actually cried. Tears he’d been holding in all day streaming down his face. He didn't care about hiding anything anymore. He let it all out.

Derek woke up when the bed shifted. Stiles had gotten himself closed into the bathroom before Derek even had the chance to say anything. Then he heard Stiles heart rate skyrocket. Derek jumped up and was at the door when he heard the sobs. Initially he was going to give him space to let it out. He stood with his hands on the door frame willing himself to let Stiles have a moment. But he knew when Stiles' emotions overwhelmed him completely he couldn't just turn it off again.

Derek eased the door open to see him curled into the fetal position shaking both from the cold and his sobs. Stiles looked up at him with red eyes and a tear streaked face.

"No, no don't be in here. I don't need to make it worse."  
"What are you talkin-"  
"Just leave. Please."

Stiles pleaded.

If Derek came in and sat with him it would only make it worse. Derek would blame himself for this meltdown or him being in the hospital or both.

Derek just leaned against the wall outside the bathroom. He didn't understand, but for once he listened; he didn't want to push. Stiles sniffled as his sobs ceased. Having to sit and listen was causing Derek actual, physical pain. His heart actually ached for the boy crying on the bathroom floor; his own reaction surprised him.

"You know listening from out here isn't any different."

Stiles actually did want Derek to come in there. He was tired of being alone. He just needed someone to hold him; he needed Derek. He realized this much to his own disbelief.

"Fine."

Stiles breathed. Derek was on the floor holding Stiles by the time he finished saying it. Stiles tucked into his side; feeling like he belonged there. He rested his head on Derek's chest and Derek pulled Stiles legs across his own. They just sat in silence for a while as Stiles pulled himself back together. He felt drained; like he'd felt every emotion possible and he was just tired.

He let himself think about Derek to distract himself; like he could get used to being held together in Derek's arms. He had tried to just deal with the fact that his stupid crush would never be returned but something about this whole ordeal was making him really second guess that assumption. He was pulled from his thoughts when Derek broke the silence.

"I thought I told you to call if you were going into the woods."  
"I wasn't really thinking."  
"Well that's not true. You're always thinking."  
Stiles huffed, "Yeah, unfortunately."

Stiles fell silent again; simply enjoying the feeling of Derek’s arms wrapped around him. Almost like instead of leaching pain away he was filling a void inside of Stiles he hadn’t been aware of. Derek ruined the silence again with a quiet question.

“It’s more than just your mom isn’t it?”

Stiles nodded into his chest.  
“But I can’t-“  
“I’ll listen when you're ready.”

Derek cut him off; he knew Stiles wasn’t up to this conversation right now. After a while Stiles eyes started to droop and his heart rate was evening out. Derek put him back in his bed and grabbed an extra blanket. He laughed to himself at the fact that he was actually tucking Stiles into bed. But by this point Stiles was already asleep which left Derek to his thoughts again.

Stiles needed to know that Derek knew. That he knew because Melissa had told him. He knew because, well, he cared more than he would admit even to himself. He had a feeling he’d get some sort of, “will you stop being a creeper” response or something equally snarky. But this conversation had to happen. And it did.

The doctor had decided to keep him for observation for the next day. His fever didn’t break until halfway through that morning. But it wasn’t so bad because the pack had come to visit him throughout the day. Well, everyone but Derek who had left right before Stiles woke up. Friday Stiles was sent home to rest over the weekend before heading back to school on Monday.

Friday night found Stiles curled up with his laptop. He was well aware that Derek wanted to know more; he was also aware that Derek probably already knew the whole story but just wanted to hear it from Stiles. So when Derek crawled through the window Stiles was unfazed. Without looking up from his computer screen he taunted the alpha.

“I’d make some comment about using the front door, but I think you secretly like using my window as your own personal doggy door.”

Stiles looked up with a signature sly grin in time to see Derek roll his eyes. Derek just slid his jacket off his shoulders and left it on the chair. By the time he looked up again Stiles had sat up against the headboard and was sliding over to the side of the bed clearly making room for him. He just raised an eyebrow in question.

“Shoes off though.”

So he kicked his boots off before sitting on the bed with Stiles. Stiles cut right to the chase.

“So what do you want to know?”

He’d thought about how this conversation might go but Derek still felt unprepared for it. Stiles waited for Derek to decide which direction to steer the conversation.

“Well, when Isaac found you and brought you back here I was going to just wait for you to wake up. You smelled like alcohol and pain and something else I couldn’t figure out. And when you ended up having a fever I thought maybe that’s what it was, but…”  
“But I still smell like it?”

Derek nodded and took a deep breath of Stiles in; trying to pinpoint what it was.

“Figure it out yet?”  
“I can’t decide if its embarrassment or frustration or…”  
“Both, its both.”

Now it was Derek’s turn to wait. Derek had to suppress a chuckle at the faces Stiles made while thinking about what he was going to say next. After trying to start and not being able to find the right words a couple times, Stiles let out a sigh that required his whole body. He sat for a minute before he snapped up.

“Ok so before with the panic attacks I used shooting and guns to learn and practice control right?”

Derek nodded.

“You know that after my mom died I would have panic attacks. Well after I learned to control them, I passed out in school a couple times, and we figured out that in addition to panic attacks I have just general anxiety too.”

Derek nodded again for Stiles to continue.

“Basically-- Have you ever heard the phrase 'worried sick'? Because that is literally what I do. I sit and think and worry and it actually physically makes me sick. I can control panic attacks now. But this? This shit is with me all the time. And half the time its unconscious; I don’t even realize that the reason I feel like crap is because I’m thinking so much. So I feel like crap all the time and food is just…unappealing. So sometimes I avoid eating and I lose track of what I actually do eat and its just so stupid. Most of the time I can snap out of it but…”

“Running around taking care of werewolves just made it harder to snap out of?”

“Yeah. No! No, well…I mean, ugh, yes it did but you can’t think it’s your fault. I made the decision to stay around Scott and you guys. I just let it get away from me this time and its frustrating and embarrassing that I couldn’t just deal.”

Derek sat there absorbing all that Stiles had told him. He realized how very glad he was that he’d kept all his thoughts in his head at the hospital. Stiles was looking at his hands, he was still in slight disbelief he’d shared something so deeply personal. It was his struggle he didn’t need to burden Derek with it too. But another part of him was remembering just how much Derek had been around and probably picked up on his own. Not to mention how Derek had been the one to pull Stiles back from his despair, yes despair, when he shot Isaac. If Stiles actually thought about it Derek had been there and seen him at pretty much his lowest moments. It confused him and gave him hope at the same time.

"So how can I help?"

"Well, the first time just acknowledging it helped. Basically having someone keep me accountable. Not like you have to watch me eat but just if I get like this ask me what I've eaten that day or something... I don't really know because if I can't even notice how is anybody else supposed to? Besides, why do I feel like that would go above and beyond the duties of being an Alpha?”

Derek couldn’t really disagree. He didn’t have to know the whole story; just knowing that sometimes Stiles’ stress led to worry and trouble eating would have been enough. But he wanted to know more. He wanted to help keep Stiles together, in one piece; whole, healthy and happy. And knowing everything he could, anything Stiles was willing to offer, would help him do that.

“Well what duties would it fall under then?”  
“I don’t know probably something closer like a parent, sibling, or a - someone I'm responsible for too?”

"Hmm, that's not what you were going to say."

Stiles blushed a little and paused before sighing and answering. 

“I was going to say boyfriend.”

_Oh. OH. Is he asking? Because the answer is yes if he’s asking. It is? Jesus, pull yourself together and think Derek._

“Well I don’t fall under the parent category.”

Derek reached over and grabbed Stiles chin gently raising his face until Stiles’ eyes to meet his own.

“And I’d really like if you didn’t see me as a brother.”

_This is not pulling yourself together to think Derek._

Stiles swallowed, his throat suddenly dry.

“Why not?”  
“Cause that would make this really awkward.”

Derek’s eyes flicked down to Stiles lips as he leaned in. When he met Stiles’ gaze again, waiting for permission, Stiles closed the gap himself. The kiss was soft and gentle, nothing like what Stiles was expecting from Derek. It didn’t last long and when they separated Stiles' brain scrambled to find something to say. He of all people could always come up with something to say.

"Are you sure? I'm kind of a mess. Might be a lot to take care of."  
Derek huffed, "And I'm not a mess, Stiles? Besides, I don't know if you've noticed but you take care of me _and_ the pack already. I think I can handle it."  


Stiles smiled and did what he'd wanted to do for awhile. He leaned back into Derek with more enthusiasm this time. That was all it took for Derek to respond. He flipped Stiles down on to the bed beneath him; his larger frame covering Stiles. Derek was lost in Stiles when he felt his lips turn up in a smile.

Derek pulled back to find Stiles smiling.  
"What?"  
Stiles smile widened, "Nothing, I'm just...happy."  


Derek smiled back, big and genuine, pressing another quick kiss to Stiles lips. 

"You're hungry, aren't you?"  
"Ohmygod starving."  
"Burgers and curly fries, right?"  
Stiles groaned. "You're on your way to being the best boyfriend already."

Yeah, Derek could live with that. 

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so this really isn't the best part of the story. Don't give up on this AU the next parts are better than this, I promise.


End file.
